Healthy Sex in Marriage

Porn Can Be Romantic, After All

Posted by Doris on May 16, 2012  |  No Comments

Let’s start by gathering some disparate data to build our case. First of, please watch this short video…

…And further follow up reading Camille’s considerations about “Sasha Grey on the wage gap.” And then the comments. Don’t miss this one, especially:

I think mainstream porn sells as well as it does BECAUSE it’s seen as a ‘bad’ option. Most porn is male dominant as the viewers want to feel they would be in control of it. The reality of the situation ruins the fantasy of it and would ruin the mass appeal. Consider your situation for instance – porn about a woman who does things to a passive man? Niche market. Femdom? Niche market. Generic woman being bent over and ‘done’? Mainstream. It’s rare that porn reflects life. That’s part of why porn performers are just that – performers.

Good! Now let’s read a bit about the findings of a survey from Britain.

The ‘Take Home’ Message Of This Diet Survey? Lose Your Partner
By Elizabeth C.
A BRITISH DIET SUPPLEMENT MANUFACTURER CLAIMS THAT women are more uncomfortable eating than getting naked in front of their partners.

Sixty percent of women aren’t happy about eating in front of their mates, while 50 percent profess feeling uncomfortable undressing in front of them.
in addition, the reported survey of 5,000 people by Shape.Smart found that:

•40% of women feel like they are constantly dieting;
•13% of women opt for low-calorie meals when dining in public instead of what they really want;
•A quarter of women think about food every half hour, with just 10 percent think of sex during the same time period;
•Among men, 5 percent live with sex on the brain every minute of the day, while.36 percent think of it at least once a half hour..

So what can we deduce from the survey’s findings if we take a contrarian’s view?

Food is less judgmental– and more satisfying — than our mates. Here’s a thought: maybe more of us should consider losing them instead of weight.

Sex and food — about the biological needs of a man and a woman.

Career and money — about the induced dreams of us all.

And now my take on it. The short filmed narrative of young Sasha Grey, along with the percent of British people’s preferences, do tell us the story of modern generations. An adventurous and vibrant one. But I wonder if you could find much romance in it. Well, not that everything in our glitzy urban life is such a snuggle rug. Mainstream porn and industrial food do follow the broad lines and trends of our consumerist society. Money rules — this the god of times that be, for better and for worse.

Our lives are turned into a rude race after the money. How much do you make? Less important WHAT do you make. During the mid ’80s, when I was young like Sasha Grey, my colleagues at the law school suspected me for playing in porns. Which of course was nothing more than a rumor. But it made me think: “What if?”

A woman’s mind has its delicate quirks and inversions. We call them insecurities, or moods, or different names, and seldom we understand that what we long for is to be cherished and praised and loved for who we are. There’s an ego inside me that claims for all the attention I can get. He drives me to do this or that for whatever reward I deem to be a distinction. Oh wait, is my inner ego a “he” or a “she?” Or both?

For, while still in college, “she” whispered to my inner ear that that’s okay to marry my loved one, to listen and follow my man like a submissive wife. However, I managed to grab much better grades than he ever did. So I earned more than my hubby for over a decade long.

Even if hindered, twice, by pregnancy leaves, I returned to a fat and comfy paycheck that allowed me independence, warmth, peace of mind, attention, and even the means to help out his business — because he was never afraid to test the straits.

This empowering time ended for me when I got pregnant with the twins. At that moment I had to take the harshest decision of my life, so far. Shall I advance in my career, the kids would suffer a surrogate education. Shall I give up my career, our family budget would go South! And my intuition never fails me. It did (the budget, I mean). But my intuition told me something else at the same time: giving up your children and your husband in the name of your personal independence, and a career, is not what will make you happy. As about romance, well, you may ditch that too. So I voted glamour out and embraced the old dusted reality of a self-sacrificing wife and mother of four. Ensued grey years of hope and discouragement. Abundant times were behind us, I kept telling to myself, and telling him all the time. But you know what, instead of getting mad at me, this mobilized him even more. I honestly think that this matured him — yes, boys become men in their thirties.

Did we listen to the voices around? Nay! Because if we had, then now we’d be divorced and angry and bitter to each other. Our children would had no time, and no protecting family-balanced ecosystem, to sit and study and learn for their outstanding results.

Did we listen to the city? Nay! We escaped to the country (broadband covered, mind you) and “refurbished” our lifestyle closer to mother nature. I think of food more than about sex, like the British ladies in that aforementioned survey. But why give up my silhouette, lose my partner for a bowl of lentils, and convert into a fat acid old woman?

Matured by many challenges, hubby did still remain the young boy who caught my eyes 25 years ago, on the narrow streets of a mountain resort, in the gone times of college summer camps. The playing boy that loves sex almost as much as loving me. He knows how to look, cuddle and inspire, romancing me into posing naked and filming home porns. At least the college rumors about us had some far-fetched grounding, in the future…

At times, when hit (again and again) by worries, I ask him why not making money out of our porn hobby. And, as expected, he always has some rationale about it:

a. “Everyone with a camera at hand is filming home porns nowadays and I’m no artist to excel your gorgeous bunny looks. The net is saturated with free porn.”

b. “Men do pay for watching at what they dream. And mainstream (paying) men dreams are in no way romantic from the perspective of a bunny like you.”

c. “Our sex life, and our hobby porn, is about to pleasure us for our own sake. The porn that pays (with some rare exceptions) doesn’t reflect life. It’s a performance. And we’re not performers but sweethearts.”

d. “We have too many taboos to go back downtown into a worn out system of values that we once openly despised.”

e. “Romantic moments are not to be scheduled as due dates in Google Calendar.”

I was 46 when filming this home porn and, believe me or not, I felt most romantic and fulfilled to sit on and ride my hubby, as shown in the still below. Porn can be romantic and lovely, and even fulfilling, for a mature woman. Shall coiners name it “cuddling porn?” Or just romantic “hobby” porn?